What The Toot!

In recent years, the Malaysian economy seems to be going downhill. Sure, we are still enjoying growth in terms of GDP, but which country doesn’t? We were once on par with Singapore and South Korea, only to be significantly behind them currently, relatively speaking.

I am here to provide a simple and elegant explanation to that without the use of any complicated economic models. First you must understand two traditional Chinese culture/ believe/ superstition/ mythology:

• Nian beast (年兽): Comes out at every Chinese New Year to terrorise people and harm children. Also associated with bad luck and all. It is sensitive to loud noise and the red colour, which is why the Chinese use firecracker and red-colour decorating to scare them off.

Photo under CC License by Leonard G. Click for larger view. Look at how scary they are.

• Firecracker: Firecrackers are believed by some to scare off evil spirits and attract the god of wealth to people’s doorsteps. Different varieties available, with a lot of different visual effects Typically contains a fuse and explosive powder.

So, according to Wikipedia article on firecracker, Malaysia has banned any form of firecrackers under the Malaysian Explosive Act “in 1991 as a result of the increasing injuries among children (especially Malay) during Hari Raya festive season. Ironically, the injury cases caused by playing firecrackers continue to increase every year since Malay children turned to home-made firecrackers such as bamboo cannons as alternatives to commercial fireworks.” (verbatim from Wikipedia)

I personally think firecrackers should only be played with adult supervision, and becuase *some people* are prone to injuring themselves playing firecracker doesn’t mean it have to be banned. This is because banning it has dire consequences for the economy.

See, every year nian comes out terrorising people, causing bad luck. Banning firecracker means not scaring Nian beast enough to ward them off. Furthermore, no playing with firecracker means no scaring off evil spirits and no attracting the god of wealth and prosperity.

As a result, economy goes into slump. Perhaps this is why China recently lifted its ban on firecrackers? Look at how the economy is booming! So as a summary, banning firecrackers in Malaysia causes Nian to terrorise people, no god of wealth and prosperity, and thus - BAD economy.

Oh. And I think banning firecracker is a violation and a disrespect to Chinese culture and tradition. If only the government would allow firecracker to be played freely (freedom, not price) again, I am sure the countries would be more harmonious. We would also see children of different races playing firecrackers together, further strengthening the national unity.

Banning firecracker = Bad.

I was reading the news of Malaysia when I came across this news:

Immediately, I was taken aback. Wait, taken aback is probably an understatment. I was utterly shocked. Apparently taxi is public transportation.

By providing loan for individual taxi permits, one thereby increase the number of taxi. Then, something magical happens and it becomes “one of the ways to improve public transportation,” according to the Malaysian Entrepreneurial Development and Cooperative Minister Datuk Noh Omar.

I don’t know. Last time I check, public transportation refers more to buses, trains, ferries, trams et cetera - vehicles that transport a lot of people efficiently. Last time I checked, taxi is a car, seats 4 to 10 (van), and is thus one of the most inefficient mode of “public transportation” available.

The minister go one to say that there are currently 21000 taxis in Klang Valley and they want an additional 3000 taxis to “achieve a ratio of one taxi for every 500 people”. Right - putting more cars on the already congested road helps improve public transportation. Great idea from our minister. Might it be because he is the minister of Entrepreneurial Development and Cooperative, not that of Transport? (Weird, I know. There are more weird things in the Malaysian Government.)

Oh, and RM 100 million? In addition to the RM 200 million already allocated to the Public Transport Development Fund? This numbers seems to be dwarfed by the RM 2 billion cost cutting measure by the government, and the RM 13.7 billion expected to be saved from the recent reduction in subsidy.

What the Toot are those people thinking!?

SIRIM, or the Standards and Industrial Research Institute of Malaysia is the “corporate organisation owned wholly by the Malaysian Government, under the Minister of Finance Incorporated. It has been entrusted by the Malaysian Government to be the national organisation for standards and quality, and as a promoter of technological excellence in the Malaysian industry.”

Moreover, according to Wikipedia, it is:

• the national organization of standardization and quality
• the prime mover in industrial research and development
• a catalyst in bringing about national economic dynamism through excellence in technology and international acceptance of Malaysian products and services

Malaysians would be familiar with products stamped with the SIRIM logo, as an assurance of quality:

Imagine my surprised when I see their website on 20 May 2008:
(Click for larger image)

Well, yea. The national organisation of standardization and quality website is hacked. What does that tell you about SIRIM certified product? What does that tell you about Malaysian quality?

Today, I decided to see what has happened to the website. Here’s what I see using Firefox:

Yup. Nothing improved. It’s even worse. In addition to being defaced, it is now added with malicious malware, as blogged by The Danesh Project. It’s so bad even Google is stopping you from visiting the website. Search SIRIM on Google and click on the first link.

So there you have it. If the National Organisation for Standardisation website can be hacked so easily, I shudder to think of the quality of everything in Malaysia.

WORLD, May 13 (Toot) — World renown toot site, WhatTheToot (WTT) is willing to offer a course in effort to produce more tube-clogging and entertainting bloggers. It is a response to UiTM’s offering of is blog writing course, said website CEO Khensthoth.

He said the move would also be in keeping with current developments, where the authority seems to think readers believe everything they read online. The truth is that most readers are intelligent people themselves, capable of identifying the truth from the false.

“Currently, we do have toot-ing studies in our curriculum. It is our belief that the fact that all our academics are themselves true blogger enchances our capability in providing a course on blog writting.

“I feel that the authority’s views that bloggers are generally irresponsible, and that most irresponsible bloggers are unemployed women, are totally unfounded. WhatTheToot is ready to conduct the course and I fully support this move as it is time for us to help bring some smile to the faces of out dear readers, while occationally providing some news, such as the internet is a series of tubes. We want to produce bloggers who are not only funny, but funny professionally,” he told WhatTheToot reporter while he was blogging - a sign of his capability in multi-tasking, as well as his proficiency in blogging.

Khensthoth said that academic qualifications was never, is never, and will never be a requirement for those wanting to become blog writers. A blog is like journal, just that it is posted online, and bloggers do not force people into becoming their reader. It may be true that there should be certain ethics in all aspects of our lives, not just blogging, but calling bloggers as seditious is about as true as calling journal writters, who have left their journel open on a table, seditious, espressed Khensthoth.

“I agree that everybody can be a blogger but we should not simply write as we like because there are certain rules to be observed - those that we say which is untrue, must be conveyed in a funny manner. If readers are not able to differentiate between the truth and the false, perhaps there is something very wrong with our education system,” he added.

Earlier in his speech, Khensthoth said the blogging had become an easy tool for the young as well as the old to express themselves due to its anti-establishment tendency. He said the society looked upon blogging as a space for them to express their creativity and whose development could also be seen as a process in encouraging creative eassy writting as well as joke telling.

“We should be glad that blogging exist. How else is there for us to get free entertainment? Do we have to read only the material approved by our government? Do we have to say the things our government deems are right to say? I believe by teaching blogging, we also encourage reading. It is a known fact that most Malaysian do no read books, but as how Malaysians are, who can say no to free funny reading material?” he added.

The hypothetical press conference is attended by WhatTheToot’s renown reporter, Toot, he himself a future academician for the blogging course.

– TAK BERNAMA

Public phones are slowly being phased out due to the competition from mobile phones. In Malaysia, basically everyone has a mobile phone, even someone who’s earning a meagre salary of hundreds sweeping the floor, somehow they could fork out part of the salary for a mobile phone.

However, when you are out of coverage area, mobile phones are pretty much useless. That’s why public phones are still needed - to facilitate communication and to cater or those who can’t afford mobile phones.

So, surely these public phones should be well maintained to serve their purpose. Sadly, in Malaysia that’s not the case. Malaysians are pretty much used to malfunctioned public phones, hence the popularity of mobile phones. So let’s assume the probability of finding a malfunctioned public phones = x, the probability of finding three public phones failing together is x³.

Sign says “Sorry. Broken Phone.” Photo taken on 31 January 2008 09:27 in one of the rest stations of North-South Expressway, Malaysia.

So, according to Telekom Malaysia (TM), the crappy telecommunication company (who has monopoly over almost everything), x³ = 1. By simple calculation, x =1.

Thus, the probability of finding a malfunctioned TM public phone in Malaysia is 1.