What The Toot!

After I watched a very interesting video on YouTube, I read some of the comments just to see the average mentality of the YouTube commentators. Normally this concists of things like “First”, “LOL”, “STFU” or more vulgar comments with even worse grammar. However, since this was quite a long, serious and scientific video, the comments were not too bad.

The topic suddenly switch to the gender of god. A commentator claims if God created Adam in his image, God must have a penis. Someone replied, and I thought its one of the funniest and intelligent comments I have seen yet. So good, in fact, I voted it up.

In case you didn’t know which one is it, here’s the comment reproduced:

If God has a penis then ipso facto there must be a Mrs. God, otherwise what the hell’s his penis for?

The comment just goes to prove how absurd and useless it is to talk about the gender of God, and in fact, God itself.

Oh you didn’t find that funny? STFU!

Well, having established that if you hate all Jews blindly because of whatever reason, that you should never go to Monash University, and in fact should hate David Beckham, let’s home on to something else.

Most of us wear clothes. If you are like the billions of conformist out there, you would heard of, and possibly like fashion brands like CK, Levi’s and Ralph Lauren. Oh, what an irony - all of them are of Jewish decent. Calvin Klein was born to Jewish-Hungarian immigrants in The Bronx. Levi Strauss of Levi’s was born Löb Strauß. He was a Jew born in Germany who later immigrated to United States of America. Ralph Lauren, of Polo Ralph Lauren fame, was born Ralph Rueben Lifshitz, also in The Bronx.

Oh Allah, how sinful would it be to put on a Polo shirt, a Levi’s jeans and use some CK perfume or cologne if you are one of those people who hate all Jews. What did you say - you don’t wear jeans? Only formal pants like those from Dockers? Guess what - Dockers is a subsidiary of Levi’s.

Guess you are limited to local brands like Padini then. Tough luck.

P.S.: All these talk made me look like some kinda Jew-loving Malay-hating guy. I do not love Jews, nor do I hate Malay. I am merely pointing out the irony of hating all Jews when almost in every aspect of our lives, we come into contact with them. I am against people hating other people when they themselves are confused why they hate them in the first place.

After we have ascertain that you are in no condition to go to Monash University if you hate Jews, let’s turn our attention to sports.

So, Malay (who hate Jews), do you like soccer? Do you admire David Beckham for his cult superstar status? Do you admire him for his hot wife? For his talent? Anything at all?

Now you CAN’T! Since you hate Jews, you should hate him. Death to all Jews? He is part Jewish - his maternal grandmother is Jewish, and he has described himself as “half Jewish”. He is even sending his son to a Jewish nursery. Oh, ever wondered why he wears all the long sleeve shirt in his games? He has tattoos all over his body - and I am sure that’s pretty contradictory to Muslim teachings. He even has tattoo in Hebrew.

How does that make you feel, Jews-hating Muslim who likes soccer and admire David Beckham? Death to all Jews? Think before you shout anything.

I have been meaning to write this for a long time. Starting today, I am going to introduce a new series onto WhatTheToot, called “If You Hate Jews …”

Specifically, it will list out the things that you should NOT do if you hate Jews, either the Jewish faith or the Jewish ethnicity. This series is specially targeted to only one target group - Malaysians. More particularly, Malay (who hate Jews).

I have decided to write this as I have been extremely uncomfortable with the way Jews are regarded by Malay (who hate Jews). Specifically, these people are fanatical Muslim that hate people for reasons I cannot yet fathom.  “Death to the Jews” (Para 4, last line) in a Malaysian Muslim protest? What the fuck? If the protest, and that kind of language happen in Palestine, then I could mildly comprehend. However, it’s not like a Jew has ever done anything to a Malaysian Muslim.

The exact period this kind of anti-Jews behaviour started is hard to estimate - I can only speculate it started when Mahathir starts hating Jews (for no apparent reason). For Yehovah’s sake, he’s half Indian. Why does he hate Jews so much? What have Jews done to his family, or him personally? I would say nothing.

Another thing - if you DO really hate Jews, and you are Muslims, you are NOT an anti-semite. That’s of course unless you hate all the Arabs there, for they are Semites too. Am I an anti-semite, I would say no. Nor am I a Malay or Muslims-hating guy. However, I have got a problem with you if you hate Jews blindly.

So, for starter, if you hate Jews, you should hate everything Jewish. Hence, by that standard, you should not go to Monash Malaysia, or Monash Australia for that matter, or any Monash campus around the world. For Allah’s sake that university is named after a Jew, Sir John Monash! My god, what a sin it would be for Jews-hating Muslims to attend a university named after a Jew.

So, my Muslim friends, stop hating Jews. That includes you, DSAI.

P.S.: If your intellectual level is much higher than mine, you might consider reading this.

Anybody who has been to a supermarket would know how hard it is to make up his or her mind when there are so many choices to choose from. Now, when it comes to religion, is it not just the same? In a world that every manufacturers seems to advertising his products as the best there is in the market, I am here to give a brief introduction to a few well-known religions to anybody who is out to search for a religion.

The Coolest - Judaism
Think of it, ancestor of Christianity and Islam. Despite the fact that Christianity and Islam evolved from Judaism, as of now, Judaism is the official religion in Israel only. What’s more, rather than taking Judaism as the father of their religion, some Christians hate the Jews for killing Christ while some Muslims hate the Jews for taking their land in forming Israel. Talking about Israel, it is the one and only country I can’t legally go! How much cooler can it get?

The Best-selling - Christianity
With over 2 billion followers, this is THE religion. Not only that it managed to infringe all copyright law by stealing The Old Testament from the Judaism, it managed to produce an extended version of the Testament and call it The New Testament. Together, the 2 Testaments are printed as the Bible. Despite obvious contradictions between the 2 Testaments, followers of this religion still manage to hold on to their blindness which they like to call Faith, making the Bible the best-selling Fiction the world has ever seen!

The Best Contender - Islam
Another son of Judaism, and with over 1 billion followers, Islam is growing strong and drawing more and more followers each year. Just like how you should invest in a steady share with a strong prospect of future growth, you should really consider investing in Islam. The expected returns include a ticket to heaven, possible showing off of memorising the Quran word for word and reciting it, and not to forget, you also make the Christians fear you. Certianly a good investment.

The Long-lived - Hinduism
Known for its many gods, yet one god, Hinduism currently has 900 million followers. Well, at least Hindus are brave enough to admit this paradox, unlike someone, if you get what I mean. As of now, there does not seem to have much prospect of growth for Hinduism in near future as it is receiving heavy blows from Christianity and Islam. However, just like one should hold strong during a bear market, Hinduism is certainly an investment worth keeping an eye on. Who knows, maybe this ancient one still has some hidden tricks yet to be reveal!

The Misunderstood - Buddhism
What a sad fact - a great philosophy misunderstood as religion. No no, you are not promised a ticket to heaven. No no, you are not watched or judge by any invisible man in the sky. No no, there is not God! What is there for me if I follow Buddhism, you may ask. NOTHING! Yes, you heard me right. In fact, that is precisely what you aim for in Buddhism - wanting nothing at all!

The Google - The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM)
Alright, FSM is not really Google, but they certainly show a lot of similarities. Google is a relatively new company; FSM is a relatively new religion. Both Google and FSM showed remarkable growth since their birth. Both Google and FSM shows prospect of strong future growth. In fact, it was through Google, which I take as the messenger for FSM, that I come to know of this religion! May you enjoy your beer-filled volcanoes and stripper factories!

The above introduction is brought to you by What The Toot, where Toot can represent any word that you want.