Bad Translation
Yes, that is an actual sign found in a secluded place in The University of Melbourne. It’s almost as if someone insert the Mandarin phrase into an online translation service and just copied the output.
Almost… as Google Translate gave even worse results:
Equally bad translation
It’s been a while since I talk about something in Australia, let alone Melbourne. Today, I am proud to present a new section in WhatTheToot! – Melbourne Worse Food Guide.
You have to take into account this site, and this piece is written by some frugal students (read: poor) who stress a lot on value for money. You also have to take into account that I have been a waiter before, and has worked in the Athlete’s Village during the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne.
You also have to take the word “Food” in Melbourne Worse Food Guide in a non-literal approach. Food is but a function of the restaurant, and a restaurant can be judged on its cleanliness, quality of food, quality of service, and everything else. So, by “Worse Food Guide”, I mean places you shouldn’t even consider going to.
Without further adieu, let me present to you the first ever, and currently on my top list, the worse food in Melbourne – Supper Inn Chinese Restaurant.
The worst restaurant in Melbourne
A week ago, a friend was staying with us. He was hungry around midnight, and our sister recommended Supper Inn to us. Having lived in Melbourne for more than three years, I have never visited the place – since its located in a dirty alley, directly in front of a few hugh rubbish bins – your average Melbourne Chinese restaurant.
As soon as we enter the premise, no one greeted or seat us. The supposed (we assumed) manager nonchalantly act as if he didn’t care while he pick up the menus, before seating us. He should have done the opposite.
We then noticed the exorbitant price. Students aren’t exactly rich, and while the shop is open until 3 in the morning, the premium they charge is way too much. A few minutes later, a waiter walked close to our table with his notepad, ready to take our order.
His presentation was average – the average asshole that is. His hair was dyed golden, which made him looked like Homo Golden Monkey. We asked him to give us a minute (since the food was pricey and we are finding cheap alternatives), and he walked away without saying a thing. We contemplated walking out of the store, but then there aren’t many stores which are open in the wee hours of a Monday morning.
We decided to get the cheapest food – congee, and we signalled the waiter. We asked how big the a bowl of congee is, and he seemed to have a very hard time articulating and expressing himself, making him a closer relative of the chimpanzee than the average human. I asked if its bigger than the bowl sitting in front of us, he agreed, and we (my brother, his friend, and me) ordered three different congee.
We finished our congee 15 minutes later, and was chatting away there while sipping some Chinese tea. We placed the cover of the teapot in a way that signalled to them that we wanted the teapot refilled. The waiter came over, collected our empty bowls, place the bill in front of us, and walked away. We were a little pissed, and asked him back to refill our teapot.
He took away the teapot, and we were still chatting there. We placed a 20 dollar note on the tray with the receipt. A waitress came over to take the money away and said “Thank You” to us. At least there’s still a single hospitality staff in the store with some decent attitude.
Another waiter came over with the change in a tray and removed all the tea cups in a way that indicated he is not happy, and we are not welcome. We raised our voices to say we are still waiting for some tea, and he mumbled something that sounded like “If you paid the bill that means you do not want anything and wants to leave.” We said no, he placed the cups back on our table angrily and walked away without being apologetic. We further raised our voice and asked for the manager.
The idiot signalled to the Homo Golden Monkey and a few minutes went by before the Golden Monkey gave us our tea. However, no manager came to our table. We were pissed.
While we drank our tea, the waiters and supposed manager sat down. They started conversing in Cantonese, and thinking we do not understand anything, they said something that goes along the line of “they only ordered 3 bowls of congee”. The rest of the conversation, one can reasonably expect, would be badmouthing us. The worse part is the manager took of his shoes and played with it with his feet. Professionalism and creditability – none to negative.
Five minutes passed, we finished our tea, and still no manager. Of course, we left the store after that, and vowed never to come back.
Overall, the food was good, at least my congee was. The friend’s, and my brother’s were not for me to judge. However, the unwelcoming attitude, facade, atmosphere, and having two complete idiots as waiters, with a fuck-you-I-don’t-care manager would enough to make you think twice about even stepping up the stairs to the premise.
We do not expect excellent service, but we do expect to be treated politely with some decency. Sadly, those were missing from Supper Inn Chinese Restaurant. For that we rate it the worse food in Melbourne, with negative infinity stars. You should probably stay away.
Apr 4
Back in Malaysia, people jaywalk all the time partly because there aren’t any laws and regulations safeguarding the interests of pedestrians, but mostly because there are just too much (uncountable!) reckless, stupid and idiotic drivers in Malaysia, particularly Penang.
In Australia, particularly Melbourne (since I live here), people are known for their good manners in driving. They will always (most of the time) let the pedestrians cross the road before driving through, even at a junction without traffic lights, and even if that means waiting for one full minute for all the pedestrians to cross. They will rarely sound the honk. Malaysian wouldn’t think twice before doing so.
That kinda gives pedestrians in Melbourne king-like power. Indeed, they are, in my opinion, the true king of the road. Their powers are so great that eventually people got scared of them, and began warning other people of pedestrians:
Yes. All in capital letters, and CAUTION in bold. Pedestrians are too powerful and scary, other people have to be cautioned and warned of.
By the way the photo was taken in 9 October 2007 in front of the building site for the new Royal Melbourne Women’s Hospital, hence the huge ass portrait shots of women.
Aug 19
One day, as I was walking in QV mall, a dwarf walk pass me. No, not your World of Warcraft or [insert MMORPG name] type of Dwarf. A real life dwarf, a genetic disease.
Parallel to me, there were two kids looking at the dwarf as he walk pass them. They kept looking AND laughing at the same time, and then ran up to their father and had the following conversation:
Kids: Dad! Dad! Look at that guy! [Laughs and giggles]
Dad: What?
Kids: Dad, that guy over there!
Dad: What? He’s a dwarf.
Kids: [Laughs and giggles continues]
In Australia, where people are generally well informed about diseases around the world, I felt disgusted at the action of the father. He did not stop them from laughing. In fact, he said “What? He’s a dwarf” like it’s does not concern him, like it’s a matter of fact, like their kids can laugh at the dwarf. It is fortunate that no one is in the proximity of those children and the stupid father, and it’s even more fortunate that the dwarf didn’t hear any part of this conversation.
They laughed at a disease, at a sufferer. The father did not even take the initiative to educate his children about dwarfism, and it’s not right to laugh at people and that is why I think some Australians are stupid.
One a side note, this is a picture I found in the newspaper long ago about a storm in Melbourne. We are always taught not to stand under a tree in a storm, as the chance of being hit by lighting is significantly increased. However, Australian being Australian, here’s what you see:
More intriguingly, there’s a perfectly fine building at the back. I wonder why they do not stay inside the building instead.
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