What The Toot! » Australia

Don’t Press the Glass to Get Hurt

khensthoth — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:18:45 +0000

Bad Translation

Yes, that is an actual sign found in a secluded place in The University of Melbourne. It’s almost as if someone insert the Mandarin phrase into an online translation service and just copied the output.

Almost… as Google Translate gave even worse results:

Equally bad translation

Pondan brand Cake Mix?

khensthoth — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:00:21 +0000

Not to be confused with "Pondan" in Malay language. Product found in Indonesian supermaket in Melbourne.

Yea… coz’ apparently the word Pondan doesn’t mean the same thing in Indonesian language and Malay language. Heck, the word doesn’t even exist in the Indonesian language. And no, I am not making this up. Check it out, they have a whole range of Pondan product available.

Don’t get me wrong – I am not a homophobe. I really do want to see this kind of products made available in Malaysia, all Pondan products. I just hope they have a better marketing/branding team in Malaysia, lest they make the mistake in the urban myth of the Chevy Nova.

Great Nokia Advertisement

When Hell Freezes over in Melbourne, Literally

khensthoth — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 19:22:21 +0000

I just upgraded my operating system to the latest beta of Ubuntu Karmic Koala to test it and have fun with it. Overall, it has turned out to be a fine release so far. As part of my upgrade however, I thought I would change the way I use computer and access applications, which is why I install Gnome Do and enabled Docky. Here’s how my current desktop look like:

Ubuntu 9.10 Beta with Docky

Anyway, one of the docklets included in Gnome Do is the weather docklet, which allows me to see the current temperature and a six day forecast of the temperature and the weather conditions with just a click. So, there I was checking the forecast when I was extremely shocked to see this:

Yes, it's that cold.

If that’s not immediately clear to you, have a look at Docky alone.

Doomsday on Friday

Yes, it’s going to be -5572°C in Melbourne this Friday. Even colder than theoretical absolute zero, in fact exactly -5298.15°C colder. Hell is freezing over Melbourne literally. Come to think of it, how is a low of 5°C and a high of 5572°C even be possible?

On second thought, I decided to refresh the weather data to see if there is any glitch:

Now THAT'S cold

Immediately the temperature dropped 29°C. For other days, Melbourne will be expected to enjoy weather in commonly experienced in Antarctica.

On the bright side, at least it’s going to be “just” -1747°C on Friday. Yay.

P.S.: The only graphic editing done was cropping the pictures.
P.P.S: Still, how is a high of -1747°C and a low of -26°C even comprehensible?

The Great Problem Flow Chart

khensthoth — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 14:32:19 +0000

The following is the greatest thing I have learnt in The University of Melbourne. It was shown during a preparation class on how to make good flow charts, and it was pasted on the board for the whole year just to remind people how important it is.

Worse Food Guide 1 – Supper Inn Chinese Restaurant

khensthoth — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 07:16:11 +0000

It’s been a while since I talk about something in Australia, let alone Melbourne. Today, I am proud to present a new section in WhatTheToot! – Melbourne Worse Food Guide.

You have to take into account this site, and this piece is written by some frugal students (read: poor) who stress a lot on value for money. You also have to take into account that I have been a waiter before, and has worked in the Athlete’s Village during the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne.

You also have to take the word “Food” in Melbourne Worse Food Guide in a non-literal approach. Food is but a function of the restaurant, and a restaurant can be judged on its cleanliness, quality of food, quality of service, and everything else. So, by “Worse Food Guide”, I mean places you shouldn’t even consider going to.

Without further adieu, let me present to you the first ever, and currently on my top list, the worse food in Melbourne – Supper Inn Chinese Restaurant.

The worst restaurant in Melbourne

A week ago, a friend was staying with us. He was hungry around midnight, and our sister recommended Supper Inn to us. Having lived in Melbourne for more than three years, I have never visited the place – since its located in a dirty alley, directly in front of a few hugh rubbish bins – your average Melbourne Chinese restaurant.

As soon as we enter the premise, no one greeted or seat us. The supposed (we assumed) manager nonchalantly act as if he didn’t care while he pick up the menus, before seating us. He should have done the opposite.

We then noticed the exorbitant price. Students aren’t exactly rich, and while the shop is open until 3 in the morning, the premium they charge is way too much. A few minutes later, a waiter walked close to our table with his notepad, ready to take our order.

His presentation was average – the average asshole that is. His hair was dyed golden, which made him looked like Homo Golden Monkey. We asked him to give us a minute (since the food was pricey and we are finding cheap alternatives), and he walked away without saying a thing. We contemplated walking out of the store, but then there aren’t many stores which are open in the wee hours of a Monday morning.

We decided to get the cheapest food – congee, and we signalled the waiter. We asked how big the a bowl of congee is, and he seemed to have a very hard time articulating and expressing himself, making him a closer relative of the chimpanzee than the average human. I asked if its bigger than the bowl sitting in front of us, he agreed, and we (my brother, his friend, and me) ordered three different congee.

We finished our congee 15 minutes later, and was chatting away there while sipping some Chinese tea. We placed the cover of the teapot in a way that signalled to them that we wanted the teapot refilled. The waiter came over, collected our empty bowls, place the bill in front of us, and walked away. We were a little pissed, and asked him back to refill our teapot.

He took away the teapot, and we were still chatting there. We placed a 20 dollar note on the tray with the receipt. A waitress came over to take the money away and said “Thank You” to us. At least there’s still a single hospitality staff in the store with some decent attitude.

Another waiter came over with the change in a tray and removed all the tea cups in a way that indicated he is not happy, and we are not welcome. We raised our voices to say we are still waiting for some tea, and he mumbled something that sounded like “If you paid the bill that means you do not want anything and wants to leave.” We said no, he placed the cups back on our table angrily and walked away without being apologetic. We further raised our voice and asked for the manager.

The idiot signalled to the Homo Golden Monkey and a few minutes went by before the Golden Monkey gave us our tea. However, no manager came to our table. We were pissed.

While we drank our tea, the waiters and supposed manager sat down. They started conversing in Cantonese, and thinking we do not understand anything, they said something that goes along the line of “they only ordered 3 bowls of congee”. The rest of the conversation, one can reasonably expect, would be badmouthing us. The worse part is the manager took of his shoes and played with it with his feet. Professionalism and creditability – none to negative.

Five minutes passed, we finished our tea, and still no manager. Of course, we left the store after that, and vowed never to come back.

Overall, the food was good, at least my congee was. The friend’s, and my brother’s were not for me to judge. However, the unwelcoming attitude, facade, atmosphere, and having two complete idiots as waiters, with a fuck-you-I-don’t-care manager would enough to make you think twice about even stepping up the stairs to the premise.

We do not expect excellent service, but we do expect to be treated politely with some decency. Sadly, those were missing from Supper Inn Chinese Restaurant. For that we rate it the worse food in Melbourne, with negative infinity stars. You should probably stay away.

Beware of Pedestrians!

khensthoth — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 08:52:34 +0000

Back in Malaysia, people jaywalk all the time partly because there aren’t any laws and regulations safeguarding the interests of pedestrians, but mostly because there are just too much (uncountable!) reckless, stupid and idiotic drivers in Malaysia, particularly Penang.

In Australia, particularly Melbourne (since I live here), people are known for their good manners in driving. They will always (most of the time) let the pedestrians cross the road before driving through, even at a junction without traffic lights, and even if that means waiting for one full minute for all the pedestrians to cross. They will rarely sound the honk. Malaysian wouldn’t think twice before doing so.

That kinda gives pedestrians in Melbourne king-like power. Indeed, they are, in my opinion, the true king of the road. Their powers are so great that eventually people got scared of them, and began warning other people of pedestrians:

Yes. All in capital letters, and CAUTION in bold. Pedestrians are too powerful and scary, other people have to be cautioned and warned of.

By the way the photo was taken in 9 October 2007 in front of the building site for the new Royal Melbourne Women’s Hospital, hence the huge ass portrait shots of women.

Australians are Stupid 3

khensthoth — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:01:10 +0000

Indeed, they are stupid. In fact there has been a lot of interest on the internet on whether they are stupid. This is evident by the keywords that people use to find this site:

Do note that there are 3 similar search terms to stupid Australians, totalling 74 visits. The original “Australians are stupid” post is also one of the most commented post in this website (not that we get a lot of visitors.) If you look at the comments, there are local and foreigners alike who seem to think and come to the same conclusion – that Australians are indeed stupid.

We recently get a comment from Jack on that post:

Jack Says:
March 16th, 2008 at 12:15 pm Australians are indeed stupid, I’ve lived in 5 countries for work and have visited many more, ayayayay the stupidity of Australians is shocking, for instance their claim that they are a great sporting nation, Ha is that a joke, most famous sporting figures abuse alcohol or use drugs as if it is the most normal thing to do and the australian public worship those idiots, and lets talk about the alcohol abuse in this country, Aussies are obsessed with alcohol, they live their lives to get wasted in the shortest possible time so that they can pick a fight. teens and high performance cars is another thing, somehow they think that because they own a V8 they have to drive like an idiot and cause accidents, you hear it on the news every day that another car load of teens got killed in a high performance car and often they were drunk, wha is it in this country, don’t they learn from this??, the answer is NO, the response of the government to this is , ” lets put these kids trough a course that teaches them how to drive these cars”, this is throwing fuel on fire, these kids only get more confident and think they can drive these big cars faster, after all ” I’ve done a special course on how to handle these cars”.
The amount of assaults in this coutry are rediculous, aussies are aclohol obsessed and agressive people with NO common sense what so ever.
I am Australian and NOT proud of it and I am happy to say that I am leaving this country this year, I will tell no one in my new home country that I am australian because I am ambarresed.
Teachers here can’t spell for shit, and that is teaching our kids, my god, an idiot teaching an a idiot, that is the same with driving lessons, aussies can’t drive for shit.
I can go on and on like this but it’s only making me sad.
wake up australia

Bad grammar and spelling mistakes aside, one thing that caught my attention is how he spelled ridiculous. Jack said, and I quote:” The amount of assaults in this coutry are rediculous, aussies are aclohol obsessed and agressive people with NO common sense what so ever.”

I don’t know, Jack. Maybe you have read my previous post about spelling “rediculous”, and by using that particular spelling, you want to impress me by indicating to me that you have read it. What a good reader you have been!

Either that, or you are as stupid as some Australians. Please do check out How-To-Spell-Ridiculous.com. Seriously, it’s essential that you get it right, so that we have one less stupid Australian. Sorry Jack. Sorry I have to pick on you like that.

Energy Bill Revisited

khensthoth — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 11:49:23 +0000

It looks like my plan to “generate electricity and sell it back to the grid” has gone horribly wrong.

This is the subsequent bill from my electricity provider:

Previously the bill showed a huge decrease. It’s so dramatic it drops below zero, which resulted in a electricity bill of -$30.35 for the -434kWhs we used. Yes, negative.

I guess my electricity provider must have found out what I was doing and charge us back. The energy for the subsequent months are 360kWhs and then shot up to 1084kWhs, resulting in a bill of $121.54. All my effort has gone in vain.

In truth, there never was any plan or effort. All those were dramatisation by me. I must stress that the scanned copy of the bills have not been modified in any way.

In Victoria, Australia, the electricity bill comes every three months, and thus there is a meter reading every three months as well. However, the energy provider I use, Victoria Energy probably decided that any amount of cash is more important than no cash for three months, which is why they send me a bill every month.

This means that for the two months that there are no readings, they send bill with estimate amount of energy usage. This estimate is calculated from your previous energy usage. Most of the time they get it pretty close, sometimes they just suck.

The April bill shows how much they suck. Energy usage from January to March are all estimates. When they read the meter at 27 Mar, they saw that the actual electricity usage was lower than estimated, which is why they they deducted money for the month of April.

The sudden spike in this bill is not a overestimation however. Due to the cold weather, and some other reasons, our energy usage was actually that high.

Sorry, Mother Earth, I let you down.

No related posts.

Australians are stupid 2

khensthoth — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 17:37:16 +0000

One day, as I was walking in QV mall, a dwarf walk pass me. No, not your World of Warcraft or [insert MMORPG name] type of Dwarf. A real life dwarf, a genetic disease.

Parallel to me, there were two kids looking at the dwarf as he walk pass them. They kept looking AND laughing at the same time, and then ran up to their father and had the following conversation:

Kids: Dad! Dad! Look at that guy! [Laughs and giggles]
Dad: What?
Kids: Dad, that guy over there!
Dad: What? He’s a dwarf.
Kids: [Laughs and giggles continues]

In Australia, where people are generally well informed about diseases around the world, I felt disgusted at the action of the father. He did not stop them from laughing. In fact, he said “What? He’s a dwarf” like it’s does not concern him, like it’s a matter of fact, like their kids can laugh at the dwarf. It is fortunate that no one is in the proximity of those children and the stupid father, and it’s even more fortunate that the dwarf didn’t hear any part of this conversation.

They laughed at a disease, at a sufferer. The father did not even take the initiative to educate his children about dwarfism, and it’s not right to laugh at people and that is why I think some Australians are stupid.

One a side note, this is a picture I found in the newspaper long ago about a storm in Melbourne. We are always taught not to stand under a tree in a storm, as the chance of being hit by lighting is significantly increased. However, Australian being Australian, here’s what you see:

More intriguingly, there’s a perfectly fine building at the back. I wonder why they do not stay inside the building instead.

Australians are stupid

khensthoth — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 08:11:25 +0000

Since it’s the exam period, this is going to be a short one. I have been having all sorts of ideas why Australians, or some Australians in particular, are stupid. This is one of the things that led me to believe so. I hope this will be an ongoing post where I shall post ideas and perspective that led me to believe the same thing.

The Melbourne Italian Festival, or the closing ceremony is held on 9th and 10th June at Piazza Italia, or Argyle Square. This is the examination periods for students of Melbourne, particularly The University of Melbourne and RMIT, which is in the proximity of Piazza Italia.

I have nothing against the festival itself. Rather, I have something against the date it is being held. Organizing and holding this kind of extremely loud events in the proximity of what I would consider to be an area full of university students in their examinations period is stupid and idiotic.

Coincidentally, the Melbourne City Council seem to have some urge to re-landscape Cardigan Street. However, they couldn’t pick a better day to start doing it. According to one of the letters, the work will begin on 8th June and will end around four weeks time, weather permitting. Two days before 8th June, they cut down all the trees on the tree island on Cardigan Street.

It’s as if Australian, particularly Melbournians are out to doom us all in our examination period. I am not sure who approved the event and the work at the dates without asking the opinion of at least some of the residents, but I am pretty sure John So is involved.

Some Australians are stupid, no doubt about it.

P.S.: If you are Australian and you are offended by this post, GREAT!

[UPDATE 18/5/2005 2.51 AM]
Due to the popularity of this post, do read:
Australians are Stupid 3
Australians are Stupid 2

Solving Australian Water Crisis

Hean — Sun, 13 May 2007 05:26:06 +0000

A major part of Australian economy depends on its exports to China, which includes various minerals and even uranium.

Recently, due to excessive use of water and lack of rainfall, Australia is facing a shortage of water. I have come up with a good way for Australia to solve its water problem once an for all.

Australia can make a deal with China through its mining export. By exporting minerals to China, Australia can demand China to pay for the minerals in the pee all the Chinese produce everyday. Yes, you heard my right, PEE.

There are 1.3 billion people in China, as oppose to the mere 21 million Australian population. This means there are approximately 62 Chinese for each Australian. Let’s assume that on average, the Chinese pee 6 times a day, 300 ml each time, that will be about 111 Litres of pee for each Australian each day! That’s about the standard of a water efficient person.

Alright, I am not trying to tell Australian to drink, cook and bathe with pee. The pee, of course, would be cleaned by RO (reverse osmosis). Rest assure that after the RO process, the water is of high standard and safe to drink and use. It is probably even cleaner than your tap water.

Hopefully, the Australian government will realise that the answer to water shortage lies not in cutting down the usage, but in opening up a new source, and that source is Chinese Pee.

Reduce your electricity bill (to the negative point)